Thursday, July 4, 2013

Current Working Rules for Relationships

 I am a work in progress. Here is the progress report.

What I Want From a Relationship, in No Particular Order:

I want to live a big life, full of adventure.
 I want to travel. 
I want to feel free. 
 I don’t want to lose myself in compromise but I want to respect what you want to do as well.
 I want to do things that scare me. 
 I want to be who I am at all times. 
I want to be in the present. 
I don’t want to feel guilt for things I cannot change.
 I don’t want to fix things that don’t need fixing.
 I don’t want to feel inadequate, even if I am. 
I don’t want to make decisions based in fear.
 I don’t want to be stifled.
 I don’t want to be molded. 
I want to be respected. 
I want things that are just mine.
 I want you to have things that are just yours. 

Promises I Will Try to Keep, in no Particular Order:

 I will no longer be afraid of rocking the boat or starting shit.
 I will fight fair.
 I will love fiercely and faithfully. 
I will recognize that not all of my needs can be met in a single, solitary person, nor can theirs within me. 
I don’t want either of us to have to give up the things we love and cherish and value because of what the other might think or fear about them. 
I don’t want us to change in ways we don’t want to change. 
I don’t want to be told what to do, unless I’m doing something the wrong way. 
Then tell me. 

On Raising Children, if it Happens:

 I don’t want to raise our children to believe that  all rules/authority should not be questioned. 
A little rebellion is a good thing.
 They will rebel from us, in new and interesting ways that haven’t even occurred to us.  
I don't want our children to think they are born with some sort of original sin or source of guilt about themselves or their bodies.  
I do not want to make the mistakes my parents made. 
I do not want to make the mistakes your parents made. 
I want us to be honest with each other when we think the other is making mistakes with our kids. 
I don’t want to fight in front of our kids, but accept that it will probably happen at some point. 
I want to be honest with our kids.
 I want us to expect the best from our kids, whatever that may be. 
I want them to have the freedom to be themselves. 
If they want to dress as Jedi knights or pretty pretty princesses I want them to be able to…but they can’t run around naked if we are going out/have company. 
Also, even Jedi knights can’t bring their lightsabers to the dinner table.
 I want discipline without oppression.
 I want good manners, respect, and no back-talking. I
 want to trust them to make the right decisions when they reach that age. 
I want to expose them to the big beautiful and scary world.
On Monogamy:

I will be attracted to other people. 
That’s just biology. 
Don’t take it personally.
 I will not act on it, out of love, respect, and satisfaction with you. 
I will not be a dick about it in front of you and go “woo, look at how hot that girl/guy is!” because that is poor form. 
I will do everything in my power to ensure that you feel loved and secure…but you need to feel that way about yourself as well. 
There will always be insecurity on both sides and we will just have to deal with it. 
I promise, we will deal with it.
I will keep open communication with you.
I will be transparent with you.
 But please don’t try to know everything.
 I’m allowed my secrets and you are allowed yours. 
These don’t have to be big scary secrets.
 They are just little things that are allowed to be just yours or just mine.  

 I will take care of myself. 
  I will take care of you, if you let me. 

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